New Year

2013

New job
New friends
New house
New city
New country
New continent
New culture
New problems
New opportunities
New perspective

2014

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Just sayin'

Happy new year

My little pony

Just got back from a brief trip to Chiang Mai.  Ash and I looked at bikes at Honda, Kawasaki, and Yamaha.  I won't say what I'm getting yet but I will show the $210 helmet I bought.  It was on sale, down from somewhere between $300-$400.  This is what you call a real helmet, not the $18 POS someone pinched off my bike. 

Cold as...

This morning it was 53 degrees Fahrenheit .  After 80s and 90s with high humidity for months, it feels like god damn January in NY.

53 degrees Fahrenheit on a motorbike going 60kph (my average on the highway (37mph)) is the equivalent of about 32 degrees Fahrenheit.

Just sayin'.

I REALLY could get away with murder

I miss hair.

South East Asia = Motorbike land

Just to brag, as of yet I've driven a sport bike, a chopper, a dirtbike, a mini-dirtbike, and a zillion scooters.  The owner of a bar in town custom makes choppers that can only be described as awesome, grimy, death machines.  He said I could come by his house sometime and drive his.

Ashley's gonna be buying the new CBR 650 too.

I'ma die.

I'ma fucking die.

Want fries with that?

Making something alongside fried Oreos is a solid way to generate more income for the stand.  My problem with introducing and producing another item is that it is relatively labor intensive; a way to get people to spend more money on each Oreo is more up my alley.

Ever faithful in the power of quality, what I'm going to try is adding icings, frostings, and topings so good customer's pupils will dilate and they'll drown in the saliva their mouth was producing in anticipation. 

I've been tossing around a few ideas and these are the best four:

Coffee cake crumble (yessss)
Coconut icing (with rainbow sprinkles)
Milk icing (tastes like cookies and milk)
Vanilla Creme (a la cookies and creme)

Each Oreo would be sold for 10 baht with the option to upgrade each one for 5 baht to any icing.  

Sales

No Saturday walking street this week, I need my weekend dammit. 

Sunday was weird, though. We got there at 630 and while we were unpacking someone ordered ten.  The rest of the night I'd say of the 2.5 hours or so we were there only 20-30 minutes was I standing around idly.  Q said many high schoolers were in town b/c of some testing and many tourists from other provinces were visiting and both accounted for much of the uptick. 

About 110 sales were made, I made a perfect amount of batter, and I'd become very, very good at both making them and making the batter really last.  Considering my time was saturated with making them I'd say it's finally time to figure out how to add something to the 'store' to make more money.

Hmm yes.

Future Plans

I'll be brief.

I'm going to stay in Asia.

Right now I'm thinking of 4 locations.

1) Here - For the work/cultural experience, mentors I have, and opportunities I perceive.
2) Taiwan - For the work/cultural experience and money.
3) South Korea - For the work/cultural experience and money (less than Taiwan).
4) Japan - Because it's Japan.

My goal is to be self-employed.  I want to make money through a day job and eventually money/people management.  I've been gradually taking steps towards this goal and I can feel things picking up as my understanding of much progresses.

I'm pretty happy with the way things have turned out and the way I see things heading.  So if you're just dying to see me in person (no skype) you'll have to fly here. 

But I'm warning you, you might not want to leave.

I will destroy you

Big Thai holiday this weekend.

Guess what someone is selling at one of the festivals?

FRIED FUCKING OREOS. 

It's a band of Thais and a white guy, all look to be in their thirties.

It's on.

Yay

Yesterday Q and I tried to open shop at Saturday walking street but long, confusing story short we weren't able to.  However, tonight we did get to sell at Sunday walking street.  Our setup was decent and some sprucing up will help sales.  We started around 6ish and ran out of dough by 8.  I thought what I made would get us through all the 324 Oreos we bought but it only got us through about 180.

We'll be "reinvesting" all of the profits until we have all of the equipment necessary to run a tight ship.  I'd like to have the sweetest setup on walking street; after all, money really does make money.

During the week I'll be figuring out a lot of numbers from the night but for now I'm beat and need to get to sleep.

Before I sign off, something funny.  I have a handlebar mustache and so does one of the members of the most popular band in Thailand, Carabao (ka-rda-bao).  Wherever I go I always here someone quietly say to a friend "carabao" and hear giggling.  Sometimes I don't do anything, other times I look at them and smile/laugh/twirl it grimly.  Once a 7-11 employee did it and I looked at them, kind of startling them.  I started to laugh.  They started to laugh.  They tried to stop laughing.  I tried to stop laughing. Then we both kinda tried to stfu and not laugh while I bought things.  I think people in the city recognize me and it's just what they're calling me.

But now...

Now I'm already hearing "fried oreo" and it's been an hour and half since I left.

I think next weekend I'm going to have to go a popular bar and just make it rain packs of Oreos while slamming whiskey.  I'll list it under expenses as "Customer Relations."

I will be avoiding glass

At lunch today I was sitting in the teachers lounge/hiding place when I heard a familiar sound -a classroom door swing open much too fast, it slamming into the wall it's attached to, and then glass shattering.

This time it was a little too loud.

Being the awesome human being I am, despite me not being on duty I decide to go help clean up.

Glass and blood.

I'll find out more on Monday but this is what happened.  A student *tried to* fling the door open by pressing on the glass window pane.  Actually, I'm pretty sure the door was a bit jammed so he punched the glass.  If it wasn't glass he was punching, the action would have made sense.  I often kick my classroom door open if the bottom get's stuck.

So this poor child punched through glass.

And this isn't the kind of glass you'd find in a modern American home.

This is fucking GLASS.  The kind that used to be made, but was discontinued because when it shatters it turns into knives. 

The boy's hand was wrapped, he was shuttled to a car, and they gunned it to the hospital.

David, Boy, and I were cleaning up and pulling the remnants out of the window and David kept remarking how badly this student's hand looked -said the cut was real deep, real ugly.

Later that day I got to see a photo of the wound, taken at the hospital.

It was around the outside part of his hand, pinky side.  The wound was straight to bone and the cut was so clean it looked like a surgeon flayed the side of his hand wide open.  The glass also severed the tendon and the surgeons "couldn't find it."

 

We are going to be rich men

I'm opening up a little food stall with my friend Q at the Saturday walking street.  Walking street consists of thousands and thousands of people streaming up and down about a kilometer of closed off road. 

On walking street you'll find people selling a variety of wares from handicrafts to clothes to useless shit I don't quiet understand the point of selling.  There is also plenty of Thai food but the variety has a definite limit.  On top of this, some of the food I feel skimps the buyer on value.  What I mean is that you either (in some cases) don't get enough food or the quality of the ingredients isn't all that high (more profit for the vendor).

Seeing this gap in a market (literally) I hypothesized I could make a bit of money by copycatting the model of some other businesses in Thailand that are wildly successful.  The model is this: pay the premium to use better ingredients, make better food than everyone else, sell the shit out of it.

But what to sell?  My next thought was, well, sell what you know a certain percent of the human population can't resist.  Activate the same part of the brain that cranks to 11 on black Fridays outside of Best Buys and Walmarts.  Fried food.

What else does the human brain have trouble resisting?  Sweets.

After a few more considerations I came to the conclusion that....

FRIED

FUCKING

OREOS

BECAUSE

FRIED

FUCKING

OREOS

 

The problem with fried dough I've had back in America is that while delicious, it has always been oily, heavy, and left me feeling a bit regretful.  So I set about figuring out how to make it not so.  I spent maybe 20 hours total in the kitchen working out a recipe for the batter and went through probably 100 Oreos before finally figuring out the secret ingredient.  

Introducing Black and Whites, fluffy, non-greasy little puffs of ecstasy you'll shove into your maw until you run out of money.

Throw just a dash of icing sugar on these son's-a-bitches, toss'm in a brown bag and sweet christ you've got something so good you'd crawl through knives to get to. 

Once we've reasoned we've got a good thing going I will get back to work and crank out a few more items.

I keep telling Q...we're going to be rich men. 

We open this Saturday.  Fingers crossed.

Vacation yaaayyy

After walking around Bangkok in the rain and wanting to punch every person square in the face out of frustration (yesterday) I calmed myself at the place I was staying at.

Recap...

In Bangkok I went to the train station to buy an overnight ticket for Chiang Mai, it was raining at the time and had been since the day before.

All trains suspended for the next few days.

Christ.

Lady tries to help me at the station.

Oh, you're working for a private company and trying to rip me off?

Christ.

Well I guess I better take the skytrain from here to the bus station and buy a ticket.

Get off train.

RAIN

Gain bearings

Get to bus station, buy ticket, head back to train, get on train, get back to stop nearest my hostel.

RAIN x 10

Walk for an hour in rain x 10.

Desire to punch things increasing.

Rain increasing.

Number of fucks given about how wet I have become...decreasing.

.
..
...
....
.....Rain increasing.

Get back to hostel.  They let me check out 5 hours late because of how fucked up and angry I must have looked when I got back.  Bless their hearts.  Seriously.

Gather stuff, go back to train, take train to closest stop to bus.

Notice heavy traffic.

Do some jackassing on foot.

Desire to jackass decreases.

Hire motorbike taxi.  Gets me to the bus in 5 minutes.  If you're unfamiliar with a motorbike taxi, look it up.  Then try to find videos of them on youtube. 

Fast forwarding.....

Arrive in Chiang Mai/wake up around 7am.

Rain

Rain

Rain

Realize dreams are lies and my motorcycle fantasy is dead.

Buy 3pm ticket to Chiang Rai.

Do identical Bangkok rain-jackassing around in Chiang Mai trying to get to things I never find.

Say fuck it and go to The Dukes and spend 900 baht on food.

The Dukes is a restaurant that serves "American" food and  is fantastic by any standard.  It being in Thailand makes it even more special.  Actually there are 4 or 5 in Chiang Mai alone and other cities around the world.  Every single item is stellar and you get plenty of food and feel...complete.

After the frustration I experienced during the prior 24 hours I felt justified in getting whatever the hell I wanted and that the place itself deserved all of my damn money.

I ate a lot.

They kept thinking I was done and would take the menu back.

Lol, what are you doing silly?  I only just ate a 16 inch mushroom, beef, basil, and cheese pizza to the face along with one of your "cups" (bowl) of Portuguese something or other soup and a beer.

I want another beer and a burger.

So now I'm home in Chiang Rai and say with complete sincerity,

I love this city.

Vacation vacation

Last night I realized I wasn't really into going to the island of Ko Chang. I just felt so bored and unstimulated by the thought of going.

What to do...

What to do...

Oh I know, I'll go back to Chiang Mai and rent motorcycles day after day after day.

Mmmm 650 Kawasaki Ninja

Mmmm 400 CBR

Mmmm Kawasaki ER-6

Ducatti?

My body is ready.

Drool

I'm in Bangkok and will be leaving tomorrow to spend a few days on the island of Ko Chang.  The prior few nights I spent in Chiang Mai.  So far, the highlight has been the rental of this CBR 250 in Chiang Mai:

25 USD a day.  

I drove it for probably 8 hours total during my rental period(24 hours).  Eventually I was pretty dextrious with the clutch so the hours before I had to return it were spent on the highways and at gas stations getting more gas.

They like to party in Munich

I was at David's new place last night.  His house is on the property I am on but up front.  I was headed to my house to get two decks of playing cards left there and bring back.  Tin was at his truck and so was his wife, Gai (chicken in Thai).  We exchange our smiled good-evenings and he waves me over.

In the back of his pickup truck are some boxes and bags and he's using a flashlight to look through them.  Tin mentions that he was just in Munich and it's Oktoberfest in Germany.  He rifles through one of the cloth satchels in front of him and uncovers a 5 liter keg of German Beer.  Then another.  Then his wife is standing next to me with two boxes krispy creme donuts (24 donuts).



Tin: "They like to party in Munich.

Me: "Yes, yes they do."

Tin: "Please, drink with your friends and have a party this evening."

I like Tin.

Fire Safety

Yesterday was fire safety day at school.  A firetruck came.

I was teaching English class in the morning and saw that David had his grade 2 kids out on the field watching some sort of demonstration.  Passing by my door and looking out I could see one fireman carrying a torch.  I reasoned they would be setting things on fire on the grass and putting them out, instructing the students on how to handle fires.

There were probably 20-30 minutes left to class when I hear a loud whooshing noise on the field.  It sounded like gas igniting.  I walk by the door and peer outside.  The fireman had opened the valve on a propane tank and ignited the gas, leaving it on full blast with a fire raging out the front of it.








I look back at the class and announce we will be observing the lesson on fire safety and to put away their things.  We then watched firemen ignite trays of gasoline and the propane tank again and again with a school of children sitting not 10 yards from it all.  I'm assuming they wanted 6-10 year old children to know how to put out a propane tank and trays of gasoline.

Afterwards I got to wear a fireman's jacket and helmet.





My thinking at this point was..."I wonder how good of a shield children are"

Beautiful Myanmar

Today I went to Myanmar. I bought a backpack, a pair of jeans, and 3 liters of whiskey.

I am a man.

Genius

Months ago I was teaching a health class and I was trying to get the point across that when it comes to fitness and goals you have to take certain steps and improve your habits all around.  This includes the training, sleeping enough, eating the right amount and types of foods, and resting enough too.  My learning objective was for students to see the forest for the trees.  To get them to where I wanted them to be I put the onus on them.  It is a useful trick.

Me: "Let's say you want to become the worlds fastest runner.  You want to be number one.  What do you think you will need to do to be number one?"

A few good ideas come up and I write them on the board.  This includes things related to being active, sleep, and nutrition.  Then Kodi raises his hand.

Me: "Yes, Kodi."

Kodi: "You can train hard enough to just be the second best runner and then kill the guy that's number one."

Me:




Then me:






Then I couldn't stop laughing for about 2 minutes and I showered his team with points.

Sunshine and Rainbows

Lil story from a few weeks ago.  The Friday before a student of mine said he was going to kill someone at walking street.  Americans, please stay calm.  He's a funny kid, not a crazy kid.

"Okay everyone, clean up your desks and take your math books out, if you need to go to your bag please go to it now."

***Turn to student in front while everyone else is busy***

Me: "So did you kill someone on Saturday?"

Him: "Yes."

Me: "What did they look like?"

Him: "I can't remember."

Me: "Was it a man?"

Him:  "Yes."

Me:  "Was he tall or short?"

Him: "Short."

Me: "Was he skinny or fat?"

Him: "Fat."

Me: "What color was his skin?"

Him: "It was black."

Me: "So you killed a short, fat, black man on Saturday?"

Him: "Yes."

Me: "Hm!"

Tutor

Last week we had a test in English.  Soon into the test I realized I forgot to have them move their desks into a grid.

(((Normally I have their desks arranged like two capital Fs facing each other (so one's backwards).  This is a great setup.  It allows me to break the class into 4 groups and it makes navigating and manipulating my proximity very easy.  It also makes independent and group work a snap.)))

Rather than disturb them and really screw up the whole test, I let them be but kept an eye on them.

Oh look, Zen's looking at this neighbors paper.

Me: "Zen"
Zen: "Ahhhhhhhh shit"
Me: "Come here"

He comes to the front, I take his test, crumple it up and toss it into the wastebin.

Swish.

Me: "Sit"

I continue my visual patrol.

Oh look, Tutor is looking at Cher's paper.  Tutor's English is coming along, why would she be cheating.  I doubt she's cheating.  She's probably just scoping out where her peers are on the test.  You know, to see how she's doing on time.

She did it again.

And again

Brain: Aaaaaaand she's cheating.

Me: "Tutor"
Tutor: "Huh???"
Me: "Come here."

She comes to the front, I take her test, crumple it up and toss it into the wastebin.

Swish.

Me: "Go sit outside"

I check up on her in a minute and she's watery eyed by the door.  Another minute and she's down by the office on a bench sobbing.  She's a soft girl.  I'm not being a jerk, she is very tender hearted and has cried in the past very easily.  Once Kru Boy took away her purse and she cried as if someone she knew died.  Ever since then, I have trouble being sympathetic.

Me:  -_-

Another minute passed by when I see man in a bright orange shirt outside the door.

It was her dad.

She called her dad.

She called her dad using the cellphone she had in her pocket.

Mr. Tutor:  "What has my daughter done?  Why is she so upset"

Me: "Ah yes, she was cheating on our exam so I kicked her out"

Mr. Tutor:  "Hmm"

He walks away to talk to his daughter.

Long story short, it turned out she tried calling her mom six times but couldn't get through so she called her father who works close by.  Her story was that she was confused and was asking a classmate a question about the test.

Yes, what a great cover story.  I wasn't reading my classmate's test, I was asking them for help during the exam.  Kru Adam is just ****ing insane.  Silly Kru Adam, I wasn't cheating at all I was just asking my classmate for help! ^-^

The next day I confiscate all technology right off the bat.  Somewhat enraged by what she did (the audacity!) I decide to embarrass her a little.  I tell the class what she did and that she lied about what I did.  Then...

"Has anyone seen the movie E.T. before?!?  A few of you?  Do you remember what E.T. said in the movie??"

*Silence*

"E.T. phone hoooome"

*I hold up this picture as I say it and tape it to the wall*





"Tutor, your name is no longer Tutor.  It's ET"


I love teaching.




(((ET is also great because she's emotional.  She's Emotional Tutor.  Rachel came up with that part)))

Pray for Forgiveness

One of my students is a sleepy person.  When she dozes off in class I scare her awake every time.  Usually this consists of me either A) raising the volume of my voice mid-sentence ABRUPTLY for one word and then dropping it back down (just scaring the hell out of everyone actually) or B) doing the same thing but shouting her name.

Today was special.

She was semi-asleep so I turned to the board and wrote:

"Prae is sleeping, when I get to zero I want everyone to start screaming."

I turn with my finger up to my lips so everyone knows to stay semi-quiet.  I already told them before that when we're going to scare someone awake we can't get too quiet otherwise they hear the difference and perk up a bit.  So just be cool and keep doing what you're doing.

I hold up 5 on my fingers and count down.

5...4...3...2...1

We all start SCREAMING and this poor girl wakes up and just starts screaming too.  The emotions rolling across her face across a 1.5 second window were great.

0 - .2 seconds: *Wake up, eyes open*
.2 - .3 seconds: *Eye contact with screaming and worried looking Kru Adam*
.3 - .4 seconds: *Start to scream*
.4 - 1.2 seconds: *Keep screaming with obvious feelings of panic and terror roll across face as amygdala bangs on all cylinders*
1.2 - 1.5 seconds: *Keep screaming, look around and realize the entire class is screwing with you*

The entire class including myself was in stitches for a few minutes. 

Prae was like, fuckyouguys

Just imagine what she was thinking during that split second.

lol

Loopholes

My landlord has landscapers come by often and a servant that's around pretty much all the time at his house.  When I moved in he said if I needed my house cleaned I could pay the servant 500 baht.  I haven't done so yet and I don't think I'll ever need to.  The landscapers I don't pay, they just come.  Fortunately I have discovered loopholes.

Loophole #1) Leave shit I need cleaned outside and the landscaper takes care of it.  On two occasions they've even folded my laundry.  Heck, yesterday I walked by the washing machine and noticed it was uncovered for some reason.  Curious.  Then I turned and noticed all the dirty clothing I left on a table by my outside bathroom was in the washing machine (table = hamper #2).

I was like...




Then I was like...





Loophole #2) Be a single male living alone.  I am pitied and thought to be helpless so therefor my hand must be held.

__________________________

In other news there was a police checkpoint at 2am by my house last night.  The police are, uh, said to be pretty corrupt by, uh, some so even though I didn't have much to worry about I was still pretty much thinking "shitshitshitshitshit." 

I don't have an international license and the bike isn't even registered to me so there's that.  All that is necessary to stay out of trouble in these situations is to smile and be polite, do what they say and give them what they want so as to convey you respect them and understand the...dynamics of the situation.

Officer: "Good evening.  Where you going?"

Me: "I live around corner" *point point*

Officer: "Open the seat please."

Inner monologue: Christ how the hell is this commute home going to end.  Just keep looking bored and do everything with smile and some patience.

Officer: "Card please"

Inner monologue: Does he want my license or my registration?  I don't keep the registration in the bike since it's not registered to me.  Shit.  Just keep smiling and don't fuck this up.  Take out your NY license and hand it over smiling like a stupid foreigner.

Officer: *Takes it and looks it over*

His inner monologue: Oh yea, I can't read English.

Officer: *Hands back card*  "Okay, you may go."

Typical

Does it count as crashing on your motorbike if you take a turn so slowly you tip over and fall?

October break

October break I'm going to be traveling around southern Thailand with pals for two full weeks, planning the Philippines was on the back burner for far too long.

The itinerary will likely look like this:

Bangkok partying for a few days
Islands, beaches, gallivanting, partying
Bangkok partying for a few days
Home

Awesome

That is all.

Neighbors

Looks like some of my pals will be moving into one of the houses on the property come October.  Yes! 

I'm going to be trying to open a food stall at one of the walking streets, but I need to do a good deal more planning and research.  The hardest part, I think, is in the bag.  That is, finding a Thai person to partner with since I can't do it without one.  Then there's the detail that the person you work with must be trustworthy, hard working, and just as in it as you are.  Fortunately, Ashley has a stepson named Q who's very up for it and vouches for him.

I don't care terribly much about the money I'd make (lies), I'd say it's a bit more about fun and making food for people.

God dammit

First world problem in a developing country:  My landlord's servant keeps cleaning up my property and kitchen but throws away the beer bottle I keep putting outside for cigarette butts.

Change is nice

     Traveling is like this: When you walk a mile in another person's shoes you can understand them.  But when you put your own back on, the contrast reveals something about yourself and you grow as a person.  Traveling and/or change provide such opportunities for growth constantly.
     That said, one gains wisdom not through experience but through reflection of such experiences, it doesn't come with age.  Good lord does it not come with age.  Meeting an adult without a clue always makes me wonder how such people have gotten this far without drowning in their soup.
     Personally I find living according to a set of guidelines very helpful, it prevents me from repeating mistakes and matures my thinking to a much more...effective (?) level.  It keeps me feeling like I'm progressing towards something greater than where I'm currently at.  I guess that's what religion does for many people.  But I prefer my own wisdom or truths (as I prefer to call them) to live by that I've gained firsthand.
     I'm going to start keeping track of all this esoteric shit on paper so that someday I can create the greatest fortune cookies ever.  Not much of a fortune cookie though.  
     Anywho, if you've got the time and the moolah, please say fuck my ordinary life and see where it takes you.  I promise it'll be one of the best decisions you've ever made.  And don't give me that "I'm saving my traveling for when I retire" because that has to be one of the worst ideas I've ever heard.
     Real talk.
 

Getting away with murder

I'm the shittiest blogger.

Let's see, what have I been up to...

Well last night was...
 + 

There were about 12 people including myself.  One person I hadn't seen in maybe 3 months, Brian.  Since then I've gotten new eye glasses, different hair, and a handlebar.   He had no fucking clue I was myself till  I brought up a mutual memory and made him go



"You could ACTUALLY get away with murder"

lolololololololol

For those unaware...

 Its quiet the asset.  It brings joy to others and I get to make funny faces with it.  People seem to like to talk about, think about, ask about it, and marvel at it. 


School is going well.  I learn a lot from the students, above all else is how to manage people, how to reinforce behaviors I like, and how to mercilessly stamp out behaviors I don't.  'Aint saying I'm too great at it, but I'm working on it.

It's also pretty handy outside of school. =P  Complimenting something about a student makes them feel good.  Why stop with them?  Complimenting people for something I like makes them feel good too and isn't always nice when someone either affirms something about yourself or surprises you by showing you a reason you're awesome that you didn't know about?

My weeks are becoming more and more fun with each passing.  The routine I've got going is work Monday to Friday.  Gym 3 days a week.  Errands up the wazoo.  Weekends are party time and the party time just keeps getting better.

But Adam, what are your long term plans?  As of now it's likely I'd stay here another year.  It depends on much and the biggest much is who else would be staying or what people's general plans were.  That aside, I think I'd like to be a teacher and a professional education from the US would be stellar.  So in this plan I'd teach here for two years, go back to the US and bang out a master's in a year, and then return to Asia to teach.  Being a teacher in Asia is appealing for a lot of reasons.  One it's a foreign land (oooohhh), two is the level or respect the title of teacher grants you, and three the pay can be pretty fantastic. 

What I like about teaching is what my days are like and the responsibilities I have -the daily experience is such a range.

There ya go, a quick little update.