Loophole #1) Leave shit I need cleaned outside and the landscaper takes care of it. On two occasions they've even folded my laundry. Heck, yesterday I walked by the washing machine and noticed it was uncovered for some reason. Curious. Then I turned and noticed all the dirty clothing I left on a table by my outside bathroom was in the washing machine (table = hamper #2).
I was like...
Then I was like...
Loophole #2) Be a single male living alone. I am pitied and thought to be helpless so therefor my hand must be held.
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In other news there was a police checkpoint at 2am by my house last night. The police are, uh, said to be pretty corrupt by, uh, some so even though I didn't have much to worry about I was still pretty much thinking "shitshitshitshitshit."
I don't have an international license and the bike isn't even registered to me so there's that. All that is necessary to stay out of trouble in these situations is to smile and be polite, do what they say and give them what they want so as to convey you respect them and understand the...dynamics of the situation.
Officer: "Good evening. Where you going?"
Me: "I live around corner" *point point*
Officer: "Open the seat please."
Inner monologue: Christ how the hell is this commute home going to end. Just keep looking bored and do everything with smile and some patience.
Officer: "Card please"
Inner monologue: Does he want my license or my registration? I don't keep the registration in the bike since it's not registered to me. Shit. Just keep smiling and don't fuck this up. Take out your NY license and hand it over smiling like a stupid foreigner.
Officer: *Takes it and looks it over*
His inner monologue: Oh yea, I can't read English.
Officer: *Hands back card* "Okay, you may go."
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