Today I went to Myanmar. I bought a backpack, a pair of jeans, and 3 liters of whiskey.
I am a man.
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Genius
Months ago I was teaching a health class and I was trying to get the point across that when it comes to fitness and goals you have to take certain steps and improve your habits all around. This includes the training, sleeping enough, eating the right amount and types of foods, and resting enough too. My learning objective was for students to see the forest for the trees. To get them to where I wanted them to be I put the onus on them. It is a useful trick.
Me: "Let's say you want to become the worlds fastest runner. You want to be number one. What do you think you will need to do to be number one?"
A few good ideas come up and I write them on the board. This includes things related to being active, sleep, and nutrition. Then Kodi raises his hand.
Me: "Yes, Kodi."
Kodi: "You can train hard enough to just be the second best runner and then kill the guy that's number one."
Me:
Then me:
Then I couldn't stop laughing for about 2 minutes and I showered his team with points.
Me: "Let's say you want to become the worlds fastest runner. You want to be number one. What do you think you will need to do to be number one?"
A few good ideas come up and I write them on the board. This includes things related to being active, sleep, and nutrition. Then Kodi raises his hand.
Me: "Yes, Kodi."
Kodi: "You can train hard enough to just be the second best runner and then kill the guy that's number one."
Me:
Then me:
Then I couldn't stop laughing for about 2 minutes and I showered his team with points.
Friday, September 27, 2013
Sunshine and Rainbows
Lil story from a few weeks ago. The Friday before a student of mine said he was going to kill someone at walking street. Americans, please stay calm. He's a funny kid, not a crazy kid.
"Okay everyone, clean up your desks and take your math books out, if you need to go to your bag please go to it now."
***Turn to student in front while everyone else is busy***
Me: "So did you kill someone on Saturday?"
Him: "Yes."
Me: "What did they look like?"
Him: "I can't remember."
Me: "Was it a man?"
Him: "Yes."
Me: "Was he tall or short?"
Him: "Short."
Me: "Was he skinny or fat?"
Him: "Fat."
Me: "What color was his skin?"
Him: "It was black."
Me: "So you killed a short, fat, black man on Saturday?"
Him: "Yes."
Me: "Hm!"
"Okay everyone, clean up your desks and take your math books out, if you need to go to your bag please go to it now."
***Turn to student in front while everyone else is busy***
Me: "So did you kill someone on Saturday?"
Him: "Yes."
Me: "What did they look like?"
Him: "I can't remember."
Me: "Was it a man?"
Him: "Yes."
Me: "Was he tall or short?"
Him: "Short."
Me: "Was he skinny or fat?"
Him: "Fat."
Me: "What color was his skin?"
Him: "It was black."
Me: "So you killed a short, fat, black man on Saturday?"
Him: "Yes."
Me: "Hm!"
Tutor
Last week we had a test in English. Soon into the test I realized I forgot to have them move their desks into a grid.
(((Normally I have their desks arranged like two capital Fs facing each other (so one's backwards). This is a great setup. It allows me to break the class into 4 groups and it makes navigating and manipulating my proximity very easy. It also makes independent and group work a snap.)))
Rather than disturb them and really screw up the whole test, I let them be but kept an eye on them.
Oh look, Zen's looking at this neighbors paper.
Me: "Zen"
Zen: "Ahhhhhhhh shit"
Me: "Come here"
He comes to the front, I take his test, crumple it up and toss it into the wastebin.
Swish.
Me: "Sit"
I continue my visual patrol.
Oh look, Tutor is looking at Cher's paper. Tutor's English is coming along, why would she be cheating. I doubt she's cheating. She's probably just scoping out where her peers are on the test. You know, to see how she's doing on time.
She did it again.
And again
Brain: Aaaaaaand she's cheating.
Me: "Tutor"
Tutor: "Huh???"
Me: "Come here."
She comes to the front, I take her test, crumple it up and toss it into the wastebin.
Swish.
Me: "Go sit outside"
I check up on her in a minute and she's watery eyed by the door. Another minute and she's down by the office on a bench sobbing. She's a soft girl. I'm not being a jerk, she is very tender hearted and has cried in the past very easily. Once Kru Boy took away her purse and she cried as if someone she knew died. Ever since then, I have trouble being sympathetic.
Me: -_-
Another minute passed by when I see man in a bright orange shirt outside the door.
It was her dad.
She called her dad.
She called her dad using the cellphone she had in her pocket.
Mr. Tutor: "What has my daughter done? Why is she so upset"
Me: "Ah yes, she was cheating on our exam so I kicked her out"
Mr. Tutor: "Hmm"
He walks away to talk to his daughter.
Long story short, it turned out she tried calling her mom six times but couldn't get through so she called her father who works close by. Her story was that she was confused and was asking a classmate a question about the test.
Yes, what a great cover story. I wasn't reading my classmate's test, I was asking them for help during the exam. Kru Adam is just ****ing insane. Silly Kru Adam, I wasn't cheating at all I was just asking my classmate for help! ^-^
The next day I confiscate all technology right off the bat. Somewhat enraged by what she did (the audacity!) I decide to embarrass her a little. I tell the class what she did and that she lied about what I did. Then...
"Has anyone seen the movie E.T. before?!? A few of you? Do you remember what E.T. said in the movie??"
*Silence*
"E.T. phone hoooome"
*I hold up this picture as I say it and tape it to the wall*
"Tutor, your name is no longer Tutor. It's ET"
I love teaching.
(((ET is also great because she's emotional. She's Emotional Tutor. Rachel came up with that part)))
(((Normally I have their desks arranged like two capital Fs facing each other (so one's backwards). This is a great setup. It allows me to break the class into 4 groups and it makes navigating and manipulating my proximity very easy. It also makes independent and group work a snap.)))
Rather than disturb them and really screw up the whole test, I let them be but kept an eye on them.
Oh look, Zen's looking at this neighbors paper.
Me: "Zen"
Zen: "Ahhhhhhhh shit"
Me: "Come here"
He comes to the front, I take his test, crumple it up and toss it into the wastebin.
Swish.
Me: "Sit"
I continue my visual patrol.
Oh look, Tutor is looking at Cher's paper. Tutor's English is coming along, why would she be cheating. I doubt she's cheating. She's probably just scoping out where her peers are on the test. You know, to see how she's doing on time.
She did it again.
And again
Brain: Aaaaaaand she's cheating.
Me: "Tutor"
Tutor: "Huh???"
Me: "Come here."
She comes to the front, I take her test, crumple it up and toss it into the wastebin.
Swish.
Me: "Go sit outside"
I check up on her in a minute and she's watery eyed by the door. Another minute and she's down by the office on a bench sobbing. She's a soft girl. I'm not being a jerk, she is very tender hearted and has cried in the past very easily. Once Kru Boy took away her purse and she cried as if someone she knew died. Ever since then, I have trouble being sympathetic.
Me: -_-
Another minute passed by when I see man in a bright orange shirt outside the door.
It was her dad.
She called her dad.
She called her dad using the cellphone she had in her pocket.
Mr. Tutor: "What has my daughter done? Why is she so upset"
Me: "Ah yes, she was cheating on our exam so I kicked her out"
Mr. Tutor: "Hmm"
He walks away to talk to his daughter.
Long story short, it turned out she tried calling her mom six times but couldn't get through so she called her father who works close by. Her story was that she was confused and was asking a classmate a question about the test.
Yes, what a great cover story. I wasn't reading my classmate's test, I was asking them for help during the exam. Kru Adam is just ****ing insane. Silly Kru Adam, I wasn't cheating at all I was just asking my classmate for help! ^-^
The next day I confiscate all technology right off the bat. Somewhat enraged by what she did (the audacity!) I decide to embarrass her a little. I tell the class what she did and that she lied about what I did. Then...
"Has anyone seen the movie E.T. before?!? A few of you? Do you remember what E.T. said in the movie??"
*Silence*
"E.T. phone hoooome"
*I hold up this picture as I say it and tape it to the wall*
"Tutor, your name is no longer Tutor. It's ET"
I love teaching.
(((ET is also great because she's emotional. She's Emotional Tutor. Rachel came up with that part)))
Pray for Forgiveness
One of my students is a sleepy person. When she dozes off in class I scare her awake every time. Usually this consists of me either A) raising the volume of my voice mid-sentence ABRUPTLY for one word and then dropping it back down (just scaring the hell out of everyone actually) or B) doing the same thing but shouting her name.
Today was special.
She was semi-asleep so I turned to the board and wrote:
"Prae is sleeping, when I get to zero I want everyone to start screaming."
I turn with my finger up to my lips so everyone knows to stay semi-quiet. I already told them before that when we're going to scare someone awake we can't get too quiet otherwise they hear the difference and perk up a bit. So just be cool and keep doing what you're doing.
I hold up 5 on my fingers and count down.
5...4...3...2...1
We all start SCREAMING and this poor girl wakes up and just starts screaming too. The emotions rolling across her face across a 1.5 second window were great.
0 - .2 seconds: *Wake up, eyes open*
.2 - .3 seconds: *Eye contact with screaming and worried looking Kru Adam*
.3 - .4 seconds: *Start to scream*
.4 - 1.2 seconds: *Keep screaming with obvious feelings of panic and terror roll across face as amygdala bangs on all cylinders*
1.2 - 1.5 seconds: *Keep screaming, look around and realize the entire class is screwing with you*
The entire class including myself was in stitches for a few minutes.
Prae was like, fuckyouguys
Just imagine what she was thinking during that split second.
lol
Today was special.
She was semi-asleep so I turned to the board and wrote:
"Prae is sleeping, when I get to zero I want everyone to start screaming."
I turn with my finger up to my lips so everyone knows to stay semi-quiet. I already told them before that when we're going to scare someone awake we can't get too quiet otherwise they hear the difference and perk up a bit. So just be cool and keep doing what you're doing.
I hold up 5 on my fingers and count down.
5...4...3...2...1
We all start SCREAMING and this poor girl wakes up and just starts screaming too. The emotions rolling across her face across a 1.5 second window were great.
0 - .2 seconds: *Wake up, eyes open*
.2 - .3 seconds: *Eye contact with screaming and worried looking Kru Adam*
.3 - .4 seconds: *Start to scream*
.4 - 1.2 seconds: *Keep screaming with obvious feelings of panic and terror roll across face as amygdala bangs on all cylinders*
1.2 - 1.5 seconds: *Keep screaming, look around and realize the entire class is screwing with you*
The entire class including myself was in stitches for a few minutes.
Prae was like, fuckyouguys
Just imagine what she was thinking during that split second.
lol
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Loopholes
My landlord has landscapers come by often and a servant that's around pretty much all the time at his house. When I moved in he said if I needed my house cleaned I could pay the servant 500 baht. I haven't done so yet and I don't think I'll ever need to. The landscapers I don't pay, they just come. Fortunately I have discovered loopholes.
Loophole #1) Leave shit I need cleaned outside and the landscaper takes care of it. On two occasions they've even folded my laundry. Heck, yesterday I walked by the washing machine and noticed it was uncovered for some reason. Curious. Then I turned and noticed all the dirty clothing I left on a table by my outside bathroom was in the washing machine (table = hamper #2).
I was like...
Then I was like...
Loophole #2) Be a single male living alone. I am pitied and thought to be helpless so therefor my hand must be held.
__________________________
In other news there was a police checkpoint at 2am by my house last night. The police are, uh, said to be pretty corrupt by, uh, some so even though I didn't have much to worry about I was still pretty much thinking "shitshitshitshitshit."
I don't have an international license and the bike isn't even registered to me so there's that. All that is necessary to stay out of trouble in these situations is to smile and be polite, do what they say and give them what they want so as to convey you respect them and understand the...dynamics of the situation.
Officer: "Good evening. Where you going?"
Me: "I live around corner" *point point*
Officer: "Open the seat please."
Inner monologue: Christ how the hell is this commute home going to end. Just keep looking bored and do everything with smile and some patience.
Officer: "Card please"
Inner monologue: Does he want my license or my registration? I don't keep the registration in the bike since it's not registered to me. Shit. Just keep smiling and don't fuck this up. Take out your NY license and hand it over smiling like a stupid foreigner.
Officer: *Takes it and looks it over*
His inner monologue: Oh yea, I can't read English.
Officer: *Hands back card* "Okay, you may go."
Loophole #1) Leave shit I need cleaned outside and the landscaper takes care of it. On two occasions they've even folded my laundry. Heck, yesterday I walked by the washing machine and noticed it was uncovered for some reason. Curious. Then I turned and noticed all the dirty clothing I left on a table by my outside bathroom was in the washing machine (table = hamper #2).
I was like...
Then I was like...
Loophole #2) Be a single male living alone. I am pitied and thought to be helpless so therefor my hand must be held.
__________________________
In other news there was a police checkpoint at 2am by my house last night. The police are, uh, said to be pretty corrupt by, uh, some so even though I didn't have much to worry about I was still pretty much thinking "shitshitshitshitshit."
I don't have an international license and the bike isn't even registered to me so there's that. All that is necessary to stay out of trouble in these situations is to smile and be polite, do what they say and give them what they want so as to convey you respect them and understand the...dynamics of the situation.
Officer: "Good evening. Where you going?"
Me: "I live around corner" *point point*
Officer: "Open the seat please."
Inner monologue: Christ how the hell is this commute home going to end. Just keep looking bored and do everything with smile and some patience.
Officer: "Card please"
Inner monologue: Does he want my license or my registration? I don't keep the registration in the bike since it's not registered to me. Shit. Just keep smiling and don't fuck this up. Take out your NY license and hand it over smiling like a stupid foreigner.
Officer: *Takes it and looks it over*
His inner monologue: Oh yea, I can't read English.
Officer: *Hands back card* "Okay, you may go."
Friday, September 13, 2013
Typical
Does it count as crashing on your motorbike if you take a turn so slowly you tip over and fall?
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
October break
October break I'm going to be traveling around southern Thailand with pals for two full weeks, planning the Philippines was on the back burner for far too long.
The itinerary will likely look like this:
Bangkok partying for a few days
Islands, beaches, gallivanting, partying
Bangkok partying for a few days
Home
Awesome
That is all.
The itinerary will likely look like this:
Bangkok partying for a few days
Islands, beaches, gallivanting, partying
Bangkok partying for a few days
Home
Awesome
That is all.
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